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163 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
Hey guys, this is gonna be the joke of the day thread. If you come across a funny joke, post it here! Let's start off with one i stole from sorry PaulP... I thought it was funny!

Robotic bartender
A popular bar had a new robotic bartender installed.

A guy came in for a drink and the robot asked him, "What's your IQ"?

The man replied, "130".

So the robot proceeded to make conversation about physics, astronomy, investments, insurance, and so on.

The man listened intently and thought, "This is really cool".

Another guy came in for a drink and the robot asked him, "What's your IQ?"

The man responded, "100."

So the robot started talking about the football, baseball and so on.

The man thought to himself, "Wow, this is really cool".

A third guy came in to the bar. As with the others, the robot asked him,
"What's your IQ?"

The man replied, "70".

The robot then said, "So, what's the Democratic Party up to these days?"

777 Posts
Here's one MO-MDX

Sex on Mars

Mike and Maureen landed on Mars after accumulating enough frequent flier miles. They met a Martian couple and were talking about all sorts of things. Mike asked if Mars had a stock market, if they had laptop computers, and how they made money.

Finally, Maureen brought up the subject of sex. "Just how do you guys do it?" asked Maureen. The male Martian responded, "Pretty much the way you do."

A discussion ensued, and finally the couples decided to swap partners for the night.

Maureen and the male Martian went off to a bedroom where the Martian stripped. Maureen was disappointed to find that he had a teeny weenie member, about half an inch long and just a quarter inch thick. "I don't think this is going to work," said Maureen. "Why?" he asked. "What's the matter?" "Well," she replied, "it's just not long enough to reach me!"

"No problem," he said, and proceeded to slap his forehead with his palm. With each slap, his member grew until it was impressively long.

"Well," she said, "that's quite impressive, but it's still pretty narrow." "No problem," he said, and started pulling his ears.

With each pull, his member grew wider and wider.

"Wow!" she exclaimed. They fell into bed and made mad, passionate love.

The next day, the couples joined their normal partners and went their separate ways. As they walked along, Mike asked, "Well, was it any good?"

"I hate to say it," said Maureen, "but it was pretty wonderful. How about you?" "It was horrible," he replied. "All I got was a headache. She kept slapping my forehead and pulling my ears."

:2: :D :2: :D :2:

777 Posts
I recently picked a new primary care physician. After two visits and
exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing "fairly well" for my age. A little
concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, "Do you think
I'll live to be 90?"

He asked,"Well, do you smoke tobacco or drink beer?"
"Oh no," I replied. "I've never done either." Then he asked, "Do you eat
rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?" I said "No, I've heard that all red meat
is very unhealthy!" "Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing
golf?" "No, I don't". He said, "Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or fool
around with sexy women?" "No," I said. "I've never done any of those
things." He looked at me and said, "Then why do you give a **** if you live
to be 90"? :D

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