Stupid question, but is there something I could jump with a wire or bypass something just to try to get it to start? Just temporarily to see which part is actually bad. I also have the old IPDM that I could rig up to see if the other IPDM is bad
It's not a stupid question at all. In fact, if the starter relay was working I was going to suggest putting a jumper wire in between the two load-side terminals of the starter control relay and see if the engine starts. But, it seems the starter relay isn't working because the BCM isn't grounding its solenoid so the starter control relay won't get any power to flow through the jumpers. I suppose you can try inserting a jumper wire into Terminal #46 and have someone try to start the engine at the same time you connect the other end of the jumper to ground and see if it starts, but I believe you also tested the control-side of the starter control relay (the terminal the IPDM grounds) with your test light to power and got nothing so it would seem the IPDM isn't grounding the starter control relay either.
One other thing you can try to just confirm the BCM isn't grounding the starter relay is to unplug connector E11 and probe Terminal #46 with your test light to battery power while someone tries to start the engine. If it doesn't light up then it's pretty much confirmed that the BCM isn't trying to ground that part of the circuit. My main concerns at this point are the BCM not grounding the starter relay and, possibly, not sending the start request to the IPDM (...perhaps explaining why you didn't see the starter control relay solenoid terminal ground with your test light).
And sorry to respond with a stupid question, but you've been keeping the battery fully charged through all this, correct? It doesn't take much battery discharge to cause the relays to not function correctly or control modules to stop working.
BTW, you asked earlier about a scan tool suggestion. Another poster (I believe
@PaulDay, but maybe someone else) recommended
OBDLink Mx+. I set up a price watch if it dropped in price on Amazon and got an e-mail a couple of days ago (...it's currently $112 as a Black Friday deal) so I bought it. I haven't had much time to play around with it much, but I can confirm that it has options for enhanced OEM live data and was actually able to see specific PIDs detailed in the service manual for the BCM and IPDM. For example, I graphed the starter relay request PID for my car and started the engine and below is what I saw. Anyway, not super cheap, but any tool that can read live data from the BCM and IPDM at this price range is an absolute steal IMO. You would just need to download the software to your phone (Apple or Android). Plus, it's not Nissan-specific so you can use it for your other cars. However, I would note that the documentation is rather lacking and interface not as intuitive as some others, but again I haven't had time to use it much. You can also see if the parts store clerks had a real problem connecting with the ECM or if they just need more "training." If you get it I would suggest doing the initial setup on another car that runs fine just in case.